week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
