If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
