does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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