Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Drunk is not a location!
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Randomize
