i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
