I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
