I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
