I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Randomize
