Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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