I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize