Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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