I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
