a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
