where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
