a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
