I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
