hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
