Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
