I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
