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How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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