no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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