Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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