The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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