The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
this hospital has no fireball
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
