Your dad touched me again.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
My bed smells like the plague
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
