omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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