its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
