the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
