They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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