I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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