nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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