we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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