who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
