I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
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i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
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So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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