I'm jealous of your bromance
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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