Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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