He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
