His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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