Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
