Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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