We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
