I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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