Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
