I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
