Midget sex pt 2 tonight
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
