Me. At least after what I've been through.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
