i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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