On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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