You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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