You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
dude. I can hear the air.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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