Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
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I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
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She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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