I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
