Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
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