You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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