Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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