I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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