I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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