i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
