I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
