Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
