Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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