It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
