She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
