WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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