ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
