Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I came so hard my ears popped.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
