Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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