i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
