I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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