I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
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