she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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