I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
