I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
