Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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