If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
worst night to have a conscience
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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