There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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