Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
