I got chris browned last night
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
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