As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
