I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
