and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Houston, we have a squirter
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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