Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
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I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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