When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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