I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
