Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Randomize
